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  “WUH-HUH-HUH!”

  It sounded like a baby crying! The hairs prickled on the back of Bertie’s neck. There were no babies in the house, were there? When his parents had tried to sell the house Bertie had told visitors that it was haunted. But surely he’d made that up…

  CREEEEEAK!

  What was that? Bertie pulled the duvet higher. There was something out on the landing!

  “H-hello?” he croaked. “Who’s there?”

  Silence.

  Suddenly a face rose into view: a tiny, pale face with wild hair and one staring eye…

  “BERTIE!” the doll hissed. “It’s me!”

  “ARRRRRGH!”

  Bertie dived under his covers and lay there breathing hard. No, it wasn’t possible! Molly Dolly was gone and buried in the dustbin. Besides, she was a doll – she couldn’t move or speak … not unless she was … A GHOST!

  Bertie shivered. He peeped his head slowly above the duvet. Phew – it had gone! He flopped back on his pillow, his heart beating fast. This was his own fault. He’d dumped poor Molly in the dustbin. Now her ghost had returned to haunt him!

  Back in her room, Suzy smiled to herself. Her plan had worked like a dream. With a little sticky tape she’d managed to attach Molly’s head back on. Bertie had practically jumped out of his skin when the doll rose up and spoke like a ghost. She wished she could have seen his terrified face. But she wasn’t finished yet – the haunting had only just begun. Suzy tied Molly to a stick and carefully poked her out of the window. Bertie’s bedroom was just next door.

  Bertie tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep. There are no ghosts, he told himself. It was just his imagination playing tricks. In the morning he’d laugh about this – fancy thinking that a ghost dolly was haunting him! Ha ha! It was the most stupid idea in—

  TAP, TAP, TAP!

  Hold on, what was that noise?

  TAP, TAP, TAP!

  Something was tapping at his window. Bertie kept his eyes shut tight, too scared to look. It was no use, he had to see what it was. Slowly he turned his head and peeped…

  ARRGH! There it was at the window! The same staring face with one eye. Molly Dolly was trying to get in!

  “WAAAAH!”

  Bertie dived out of bed and bolted along to his parents’ room.

  “HELP! SAVE ME!” he gasped, barging in.

  Dad moaned. Mum sat up in bed.

  “Bertie, what on earth’s the matter?” she said.

  “IT’S AFTER ME!” wailed Bertie. “DON’T LET IT GET ME!”

  “What is? What are you talking about?” said Mum.

  “MOLLY DOLLY!” cried Bertie. “She’s a … a ghost!”

  Mum rubbed her eyes wearily.

  “It’s one o’clock in the morning,” she groaned. “You just had a nightmare.”

  “I didn’t!” cried Bertie. “It was at the window – I saw it!”

  Mum got out of bed and threw on her dressing gown. She took Bertie back to his room.

  “Where? Where’s this ghost?” she demanded.

  “It was right there – at the window. I saw it!” answered Bertie.

  Mum rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing there!” she said. “You just had a bad dream. Now please can we all get some sleep?”

  Bertie stared at his alarm clock. It was a quarter to two. He wished morning would come. Every time he closed his eyes, the wind moaned or a floorboard creaked and he thought it was the ghost. If he ever survived this, he swore he’d never set foot in Suzy’s bedroom again. Maybe Molly Dolly would leave him alone if he promised to be good?

  In the next bedroom, Suzy had one last trick to play – something that would scare the pants off her horrible little brother. She rummaged through her cupboard until she found what she wanted – Kutie Kitty. It was years since she’d played with the toy kitten. She hoped that the battery still worked.

  Bertie’s eyes snapped open. What was that? Keep calm, it’s only the wind, he told himself. He should have shut the door when he came back to bed. Perhaps he should get up now and close it…

  WHIRR! CLICK, CLICK!

  Bertie’s blood ran cold. Nooo! It was back. The one-eyed ghost. It was out on the landing. If he got out of bed maybe he could slam the door in its face. But that wouldn’t work – ghosts could walk through doors!

  WHIRR! CLICK, CLICK!

  Bertie shrank down under his covers. Please, please, don’t let it get me! he prayed.

  Suddenly a strange creature appeared in the doorway. Argh! There it was! The ghost of Molly – and it was walking! It had grown four legs and a furry white body!

  WHIRR! CLICK, CLICK! WHIRR!

  The ghost doll plodded closer, twitching its head.

  “ARRRRRRGHHHH!”

  Bertie’s yell was loud enough to wake the whole house. He shot out of bed, leaped over the doll and scrambled out of the door.

  Seconds later, he dived on to his parents’ bed.

  “MU-UUM! HEEELP!”

  “BERTIE!” groaned Mum.

  “Not again,” moaned Dad.

  “IT’S AFTER ME!” babbled Bertie. “Don’t let it get me.”

  “Bertie, how many times…? There’s nothing there,” said Mum.

  “There is! It’s got four furry legs and one eye,” wailed Bertie.

  Mum jumped out of bed. She couldn’t take much more of this. She dragged Bertie back to his room and snapped on the light.

  “LOOK!” she cried. “THERE IS NOTHING THERE!”

  Something lay on the floor, whirring and kicking its legs. Bertie bent down and picked it up. It was a toy kitten – with Molly’s head.

  Bertie stared in disbelief.

  “This is what you were scared of?” cried Mum.

  Bertie sheepishly nodded his head. This was Suzy’s doing. She must have found Molly buried in the bin and planned her revenge. Worse still, he couldn’t tell on her without landing himself in big trouble.

  Mum was frowning. “Hang on,” she said. “Isn’t this Molly Dolly? What happened to her head?”

  Bertie turned red. “Um … is it really that late?” he said, looking at the clock. “I’d better get to bed, I’ve got school in the morning.”

  Mum gave him a withering look and stormed back to her room.

  Bertie switched off the light and climbed into bed. Peace at last. No more babies crying or ghosts at the window. But wait, what was this on his pillow? Something small and shiny. He switched on his bedside lamp.

  YARGGGHHHH! IT WAS SOMEBODY’S EYEBALL!

  Collect all the

  Dirty Bertie books!

  Worms!

  Fleas!

  Pants!

  Burp!

  Yuck!

  Crackers!

  Bogeys!

  Mud!

  Germs!

  Loo!

  Fetch!

  Fangs!

  Kiss!

  Ouch!

  Snow!

  Pong!

  Pirate!

  Scream!

  Toothy!

  Dinosaur!

  Zombie!

  Smash!

  Rats!

  Horror!

  Aliens!

  My Joke Book

  My Book of Stuff

  Dirty Bertie Sticker and Activity Book

  Dirty Bertie Pant-tastic Sticker and Activity Book

  Copyright

  STRIPES PUBLISHING

  An imprint of Little Tiger Press

  1 The Coda Centre, 189 Munster Road,

  London SW6 6AW

  First published as an ebook by Stripes Publishing in 2015

  Characters created by David Roberts

  Text copyright © Alan MacDonald, 2015

  Illustrations copyright © David Roberts, 2015

  ISBN: 978-1-84715-631-0

  The right of Alan MacDonald and David Roberts to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.


  All rights reserved.

  Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any forms, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publishers or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is availablefrom the British Library.

  www.littletiger.co.uk

  www.dirtybertiebooks.co.uk