Custardly Wart Read online

  ‘This way,’ pointed Custardly. He remembered they’d hidden the rowing boat among the rocks.

  The Captain grabbed him by the arm. ‘Hold fast there, shipmate. Ain’t you forgetting what we came for?’

  Custardly groaned. ‘You’re not still thinking about the treasure?’

  ‘Why not? If we leave now we may never get another chance.’

  ‘But it’s the middle of the night and, besides, we don’t have the map,’ argued Custardly.

  The Captain grinned and pulled off his hat. He shook out a folded piece of paper.

  ‘You don’t think I’d let a weasel like Sly Morgan keep it, do you?’

  Dobbs was watching the night sky nervously. ‘What about the bats?’ he asked. ‘What if they come back?’

  ‘Come now, lads, surely you ain’t going to let a few little bats frighten you off?’

  Custardly finally lost his patience. ‘Firstly,’ he said, ‘we’re not dealing with “a few little bats”. And secondly, if you were listening, they are vampire bats – which means they drink your blood. If you ask me we should get away from this island while we can.’

  He marched off towards the boat with the Captain hurrying after him.

  ‘All right, shipmate, let’s not be hasty. Fair’s fair now, what do you say we take a vote?’

  Custardly halted and turned round. ‘Fine with me.’

  ‘Right then,’ said the Captain. ‘All those in favour of cutting and running, raise your hand.’

  Custardly and Dobbs both put up their hands.

  ‘All those in favour of finding the treasure?’

  The Captain raised his own hand and looked daggers at Mr Mate, who reluctantly joined him.

  ‘Two against two,’ said the Captain. ‘But luckily there’s a way to decide.’

  ‘Oh, and what’s that?’ asked Custardly.

  ‘Ship’s rules, the captain always gets the casting vote.’

  ‘That’s not fair!’ cried Dobbs. ‘You’re the captain.’

  ‘Well, so I am,’ winked the Captain. ‘And I votes we find the treasure. This way, me hearties!’

  Chapter 10

  X Marks the Spot

  An hour later they came out on top of Hangman’s Hill. Below them the island and the ghostly sea were spread out in the moonlight. They had waded through rivers, squelched through swamps and trudged for miles along the sand, yet they were still no closer to finding Mulligan’s treasure.

  ‘Read it again,’ ordered the Captain.

  Custardly sighed. ‘We’ve been over it a hundred times!’

  ‘Again!’ roared the Captain.

  Custardly repeated the riddle which by now he knew off by heart.

  ‘Dark I be and cold as death.

  Mouth I own but have no breath.

  Speak to me, yourself replies.

  In my heart the treasure lies.’

  The Captain pulled at his beard irritably. ‘Blast me breeches, it don’t make no sense! What kind of thing has a mouth but no breath?’

  Mr Mate frowned. ‘Maybe it’s you, Captain.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘You’re dark and you’ve got a mouth. A pretty big one, I’d say.’

  The Captain scowled. ‘If you don’t pipe down, the treasure won’t be all that’s buried on this island.’

  Mr Mate fell silent. Custardly studied the map in the dim glow of the lantern while Dobbs sat on a rock, staring out to sea. Suddenly he leapt up.

  ‘That’s it! When do you reply to yourself?’

  ‘When you’re mad as a mongoose,’ replied the Captain.

  ‘No,’ said Dobbs. ‘When you’re an echo. “Speak to me, yourself replies.”’

  ‘Yes, that makes sense,’ said Custardly. ‘But what about the rest? And where are we going to find an echo?’

  ‘In a church?’ suggested the Captain.

  ‘In your ears,’ said Mr Mate.

  ‘No! In a cave – look!’ Dobbs pointed excitedly at the cliffs below where a cave led deep under the rock.

  ‘“Dark I be and cold as death. Mouth I own but have no breath.” A cave is dark and cold and it has a mouth too. That’s the answer!’

  The Captain clapped Dobbs so hard on the back that his glasses almost flew off.

  ‘Bless me, you’re right, shipmate! It was staring us in the face the whole time. Come on – the treasure is as good as ours.’

  ‘Wait,’ said Custardly. ‘Before we all rush down there, what are they?’

  He pointed to the cliffs where black shapes flitted in and out of the moonlight. The Captain drew out his telescope and raised it to his eye. ‘Seagulls,’ he grunted.

  Custardly shook his head. ‘Those aren’t seagulls. Think about it. What lives in caves and comes out at night?’

  Custardly’s teeth chattered. He was up to his knees in icy water, wading against a swirling current. Right now he would have given anything to be back in the classroom at Dankmarsh, listening to Miss Scrubshaw.

  ‘Custardly,’ said Dobbs, touching his arm, ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Custardly. ‘But they’re only bats. I mean, what’s the worst they can do? Suck out all your blood?’

  ‘Right,’ said Dobbs. ‘Though strictly speaking they don’t.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Suck your blood. What they do is bite into your flesh and make two little holes. Then they kind of lap at your blood with their tongue, a bit like a kitten.’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Custardly. ‘That makes me feel a lot better.’

  Dobbs shrugged. ‘You wanted to know.’

  As they neared the cave, the water became more shallow. Custardly waved to the Captain and Mr Mate to hurry up. They were still struggling across the channel with the lantern held high and their swords between their teeth. Custardly peered into the mouth of the cave and was hit by a sulphurous stench like rotten eggs.

  ‘Bat droppings,’ said Dobbs, sniffing the air.

  ‘Great,’ said Custardly. ‘I’ve always wanted to die up to my neck in bat poo.’

  The Captain arrived. ‘Courage, lads,’ he urged. ‘Just think, somewhere in there is Black Jack Mulligan’s treasure. Riches beyond your dreams. Right then, who’s going first?’

  Nobody moved. They listened to the wind moan and the steady drip, drip of water coming from the cave. Custardly hoped that the bats had fed well that night and were now sleeping soundly.

  ‘So,’ he said, ‘I’m hoping you’ve got some kind of plan.’

  ‘Of course,’ said the Captain. ‘Here’s what we do, lads: creep in quiet as mice, grab the treasure and run like the blazes.’

  ‘That’s the plan?’ said Custardly.

  ‘In a nutshell.’

  ‘Brilliant. And what if the bats aren’t asleep? What if they see us?’

  ‘They won’t!’ scoffed the Captain. ‘Everyone knows bats are blind as bats.’

  ‘Actually, that’s not quite true,’ said Dobbs. ‘They can probably see in the dark better than us but it’s not their eyesight you need to worry about. Bats have amazingly sharp ears – they can hear a flea scratching itself.’

  ‘That settles it! Let’s go back,’ said Custardly.

  ‘Stop worrying,’ said the Captain. ‘I told you, we won’t make a sound.’

  ‘We’d better not,’ said Dobbs. ‘Once we’re inside don’t speak or whisper or even breathe.’

  ‘One question,’ said Mr Mate. ‘Is it OK if I whistle?’

  The cave was darker than the inside of a dragon’s belly. Mr Mate went first with the lantern. Next came Custardly, Dobbs and finally the Captain, who bravely volunteered to bring up the rear.

  Custardly felt his way along the damp, clammy passage. The stench was so bad he had to hold his nose in case he passed out. Every now and then he stumbled on the bones of some dead creature or stepped in yet another sticky pile of bat poo.

  A little way in, the passage narrowed to a gap no wider than a person and they squeezed through one at a time. The cave led on,
deeper under the cliffs, growing colder all the time. With every step Custardly grew more convinced that this was a BAD IDEA and they ought to turn back. At last the passage led down into a cavernous chamber as big and gloomy as the dining room at Dankmarsh.

  Custardly blinked, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. In the middle of the cavern was an open wooden chest, set on a flat rock. It was full to the brim with gold, pieces of eight and precious stones of every kind. There were rubies, emeralds, opals and strings of fat pearls.

  ‘Blister me bunions! Feast your eyes on that!’ cried the Captain, forgetting to keep quiet. The booming echo of his voice was followed by a noise like the rustling of a thousand leaves. Custardly slowly raised his eyes and saw something that chilled him to the bone. The roof of the cave was alive with bats. Giant bats stared back at him, old bats twitched, young bats hung upside down by one foot, showing off.

  ‘Steady lads – I don’t think they’ve seen us,’ whispered the Captain. ‘Cover me and get ready to run.’

  He took one step towards the treasure, but as he did so, something else moved. A huge brown pod on the roof began to unfold, revealing that it wasn’t a pod at all but a bat so monstrous it made the others look like fruit flies. This could only be the king bat, and it hopped – or rather flopped – down from the ceiling and tottered towards them on its little clawed feet.

  ‘Good evening,’ it said, in a voice surprisingly deep for a bat. Custardly gaped, though whether he was more shocked by the bat’s size or by hearing it speak he didn’t know.

  The bat bared its yellow fangs in something resembling a smile. ‘How kind of you to join us.’

  Custardly backed away. ‘We’re not … we can’t. I mean, we didn’t mean to wake you up.’

  ‘Oh please, no apology necessary,’ said King Bat. ‘I always have a snack about this time of night. Human blood is my favourite, far tastier than a mouse’s or rat’s. Rat’s blood is so thin, don’t you find?’

  Custardly could hear a horrible slopping sound coming from the creature’s bulging belly. He couldn’t help wondering if a diet of human blood had started to have a peculiar effect on the bat’s behaviour. Not only was it talking, it was oddly dressed for a bat. A red headscarf hung from one ear while a glittering diamond brooch was pinned to its chest like a medal. Propped against the far wall was the scarf’s previous owner – a grinning skeleton wearing a pair of boots.

  Mr Mate pointed a trembling finger. ‘Seasick Sid,’ he moaned. ‘I’d know them boots anywhere – he got them for his birthday.’

  They had backed away until they were up against a wall and now there was nowhere to go. The bat cast a hungry eye over them. ‘Now, who shall we have for starters? You perhaps?’

  It made a sudden leap towards Dobbs, who was frozen with terror. Without stopping to think, Custardly stepped between them. He had some brave idea of drawing his sword but he’d forgotten that he no longer had one. (Sly Morgan had seen to that.)

  The next moment he found himself pinned to the floor by a sharp claw pressing into his neck. King Bat bared his needle-sharp teeth.

  ‘You’re quite big for a bat, aren’t you?’ gasped Custardly, struggling to breathe.

  ‘What did you say?’ The claw relaxed and Custardly squirmed out from underneath.

  ‘I’m just very impressed,’ he said. ‘I mean most bats I’ve seen are, well, like sparrows compared to you. I was wondering – would you say you’re the biggest bat in the world?’

  King Bat swelled out his chest so they could admire his diamond brooch.

  ‘You know how much blood I drink every night?’ he asked. ‘Go on take a guess.’

  ‘I don’t know – half a pint?’

  ‘Six,’ said the bat. ‘Six pints of blood every night.’

  ‘Amazing!’ marvelled Custardly.

  ‘That’s how I grew this big,’ boasted the bat. ‘Once I was a weakling like them.’ He rolled his eyes to indicate the bats on the roof. ‘Of course these days it’s mostly rats and birds. I have my servants bring them.’

  ‘So you never actually go out then?’ asked Custardly.

  King Bat stared at him. ‘Why should I?’

  ‘Oh, no reason. I just wondered if you missed it. You know – hunting for your own supper, the thrill of the chase …’

  King Bat brought his face so close that Custardly could smell the creature’s rancid breath. ‘It’s the blood I look forward to,’ he breathed. ‘Now let’s get on, shall we? All this talking is making me hungry.’

  Custardly gasped as a claw ripped open his shirt. He would have to talk fast. ‘Only, with all this hanging around indoors,’ he gabbled, ‘maybe you’re not as quick as you were.’

  There was a heavy silence. King Bat narrowed his eyes. ‘Are you saying I’m OVERWEIGHT?’

  ‘No, no, of course not,’ replied Custardly. ‘Just maybe a little slower. Take the Amazonian Fruit Bat, for instance. How fast can that fly?’

  Dobbs realised Custardly was looking at him. ‘Oh, um … fast,’ he stammered. ‘Maybe forty miles an hour.’

  ‘Call that fast?’ sneered King Bat. ‘Take a look at this.’

  He drew himself up and shook out his great, black wings to their full span. Custardly gulped. It was like facing a dragon – a dragon with squirrel ears and vampire teeth.

  ‘Even so,’ he went on, ‘if you were to give me a head start, I bet you’d never catch me.’

  King Bat rocked from side to side, making a clicking noise in his throat which Custardly eventually realised was bat laughter.

  ‘You? A miserable creature with stumps for wings!’

  ‘They’re called arms,’ said Custardly. ‘But I can run. I’m the fastest in my class.’

  ‘Second fastest,’ Dobbs whispered in his ear.

  ‘You wouldn’t make it as far as the passage,’ sneered King Bat.

  ‘I wouldn’t be so sure,’ said Custardly. ‘You’re out of practice.’

  ‘Ha! Want to try me? Any time you like.’

  ‘All right, but you have to give me a sporting chance,’ said Custardly. ‘Hide your eyes and count to, say, twenty.’

  ‘Like this?’ King Bat folded its wings round its body, tucking its head out of sight. ‘One,’ he said in a muffled voice. ‘Two …’

  Custardly turned to the others, who were still pressed against the wall and seemed to have lost the use of their legs.

  ‘Run!’ he mouthed silently.

  They all ran for their lives – except the Captain, who dashed over to the treasure chest and began to stuff his pockets with gold and jewels. Mr Mate doubled back to grab him by the arm.

  As they fled from the cavern, Custardly could feel a hundred pairs of eyes watching them from the roof. He could only hope the bats were as brainless as their master. They reached the passage and plunged into the darkness. There was a crash of breaking glass as Mr Mate dropped the lantern. Custardly blundered on, his heart thumping and his feet slipping and sliding in piles of bat poo. He scraped his elbows and knees as he ran blindly into walls and changed direction.

  Back in his great hall, King Bat was still counting.

  ‘Eight … nine … TWENTY! COMING!’

  He stretched out his massive wings and swept into the air like a black vulture. A moment later the cavern echoed to a sound like thunder as a hundred giant bats took off and swooped after him.

  Down the passage, Custardly heard them coming and knew time was running out. Their only chance was to reach the mouth of the cave and pray that his idea worked.

  ‘Hurry!’ he panted.

  ‘I am hurrying!’ gasped Dobbs.

  They rounded a bend and a glimmer of light told Custardly it wasn’t far. Seconds later he reached the spot where the passage narrowed to the entrance. He squeezed through the gap and reached out a hand to pull Dobbs after him.

  Looking back, he could see the shapes of the two red-faced pirates puffing after them. Behind them and closing fast was the colossal shadow of King Bat. The Cap
tain made it to the gap and shot through like an express train. But Mr Mate was slowing down and looked back just in time to see the monster bat swoop towards him, its wing-tips grazing the walls. Seconds later, Custardly saw its eyes bulge with fear as three things became clear:

  1. It had grown way too fat to fit through its own front door.

  2. It was too late to stop.

  3. It was about to …

  WHUMP!

  A single crack spread its way across the cave roof, followed by several bigger cracks and small flakes of rock coming loose. The squadron of bats just had time to wonder why the walls were spattered with blood and where that rumbling noise was coming from. Then the roof fell in on them with a deafening crash.

  Chapter 11

  Flying Biscuits

  When the huge cloud of dust had finally settled Custardly looked round. Dawn was breaking and the sky was a rosy pink.

  ‘Is everyone all right?’ he asked.

  The Captain got to his feet and dusted off his hat.

  ‘Right as rain,’ he said. ‘Anyone seen Mr Mate?’

  Mr Mate sat up and spat out a mouthful of pebbles. He looked like a marble statue caked in dust and bat poo.

  Dobbs took off his glasses and wiped them with a hanky.

  ‘That was amazing!’ he said. ‘How did you know it would work?’

  ‘I didn’t,’ admitted Custardly. ‘I remembered the cave got pretty narrow, so I took a chance old Blubber Belly wouldn’t be able to follow us. He may have been big, but he had the brain of a woodlouse.’

  The Captain wrapped an arm round Custardly’s shoulders. ‘Smart thinking, shipmate,’ he said. ‘I was about to slice off his head with my cutlass, but I didn’t want to steal your thunder.’

  Dobbs glanced back at the remains of the cave. The passage they’d escaped from was buried under a mound of rubble. Not everything had been destroyed however. King Bat’s cavern had largely survived the rockfall and it now stood open to the wind. Mr Mate picked his way over a mountain of rocks to reach it.

  ‘Pity about the treasure though,’ said Dobbs. ‘Now no one will ever find it.’